When we were courting, my husband and I were widely known as that annoying, lovey dovey couple. We held hands, and gave each other nonsense names which made people roll their eyes. Yes, we were exactly the sort of couple that would have made you either want to leave the room or throw up a little in your mouth. And if I begin counting the number of people who said, ‘Enjoy now while it lasts. Marriage will change everything’, I’d need a number roughly the size of a small country’s population.
They were right.
All those people who said that things will change after marriage, were absolutely correct. Things changed. A lot! It’s been a year and a half since we got married. The excitement of living in our own house, free to do whatever we wanted, lasted a while. But then things changed. Being freelancers, we spent most days working at home, in each other’s company, thus no stories to swap at coffee shops every evening. He no longer won my heart by insisting to drop me home every night before heading his way. In fact, now he often asks me to take a cab to work if I have to step out for a meeting. We are done telling each other about all our hopes and dreams and stories of our exes… Now, we spend hours discussing our finances and debating pros and cons of buying something expensive. On days when we don’t have work, he watches videos on his iPad while I read books or cook or something. Candle lit dinners in fancy places have now been relegated to one, probably two times a month, maximum. They were right. Things changed. A lot!
But they were wrong about one thing. We are still enjoying it!
People said the romance goes away after a while. Well, I think the romance doesn’t really go if you don’t want it to. It will change however… Back then, we had special dates and grand gestures. Now, we spend hours trying to bully our bank accounts into agreeing with our demands. We don’t go on dinner dates to expensive places like we did and we don’t do a lot of those romancy things as regularly as before. That part has changed. Not because the romance is gone, but because we don’t need those things to feel the love! Our love has changed. It was hot, fast and exciting back then. Now it is warm, fuzzy and comfortable.
We have days filled with nothing but lazy sunshine and food. We have days of fighting and arguments. But we no longer have to play guessing games about what the other person is thinking/feeling because we know each other so well… I feel loved when he takes one look at my face and knows that it’s ice-cream time.He loves that I always know exactly when he is going to get hungry and have something ready for him to munch on. We stay up entire nights reading books to each other or solving massive jigsaw puzzles. We have long drives and disagreements in equal proportions but through all that, we are certain of one thing; the love is always there.
Someday in the years to come, when we have kids and college tuition to worry about, people may smirk and say, ‘See? Told you, marriage changes everything’. They may be right. By then, our love may change some more. We may stop reading books to each other and having tickling matches. We may stop holding hands all the time and calling each other nauseatingly sweet names.We may move on from solve jigsaw puzzles to brushing up on our math for our kids. But even then, the love will be there. I am sure of that.
And when we are old, we may spend hour long phone calls with our kids, complaining about each other. We may not go out for dinner for months on end. We may fight like little children over stupid things. But even then, the love will be there. You know how I know that? Because I won’t let it go. I know that he won’t either. I think that even when we are an inch from heaven’s doors, I’ll know when he is about to get hungry and he’ll know when I want ice-cream. I will still bite his shoulder with my toothless gums when I see a cute puppy and he will still make up silly songs for me when I have a bad day.
Because we choose to find romance in the mundane everyday things. We make a conscious choice to keep the love alive everyday. We don’t plaster our social media accounts with endless selfies. (no offense to those who do!) Our ideal is not that hot sexy couple, very obviously in love. Our ideal is that old couple who sits on the park bench, watching the sun go down in silence. And I think that kind of love lasts a lifetime. It won’t be the same as before but it will be there. Everything will change… but inside, it will still be the same.